Scene 1: Medium shot of Sheriff John Tunell. He’s in an audio-visual room of some sort.

Tunell: Good evening. Criminals are constantly plaguing our city streets. They should be plaguing each other…in jail. Tonight, we take our cameras inside the gritty world of crime, and hopefully teach all you future convicts out there what will happen if you ever step foot on our utopian streets again. I’m Sheriff John Tunell, and this is “World’s Most Dangerous Criminals—Chapel Hill.”

Scene 2: Cut to a long shot of three teens standing in a circle in a deserted parking lot at night.

Tunell (voice over): Southern Village Park and Ride. These three delinquents have been using this family parking lot as their own personal Dutch café. But what these dopers don’t know is that the police are waiting for just the right time to put out their flame.

Officer #1: Freeze potheads! (Three cops surround the teens from a safe distance with guns drawn. The teens stop smoking and look toward them.) What are you boys smoking over there?!

Stoner #1: Pot.

Officer #2: Drop the blunt! Drop the blunt! (Stoner #2 drops the blunt and they all put their hands up.)

Tunell (voice over): Senior Officer Stevens gave the boys a direct command, but these drugees put their hands up in defiance.

Officer #1: Whoa!

Officer #3: Freeze!

Officer #2: Don’t move! Put your hands down! (They put their hands down.)

Stoner #2: We’re not looking for trouble.

Tunell (voice over): But they were wrong. They were looking for trouble! Luckily, the experienced officers quickly apprehended the three hippies (Each officer grabs a stoner) and gave them a little lesson in “hitting the dope.” (The cops start beating the stoners with their MagLites. Cut to a shot of the three stoners, cuffed behind their back and sitting on the ground. Their faces are bloody and bruised.) Looks like these criminals could use some of their “wacky tobacky” now that they have “purtied” up for their…mugshots.

Scene 3: Shot of a drunken man, brown bagging it, on Franklin Street, hitting on women who pass by.

Tunell (voice over): West Franklin Street. This guy thinks it’s happy hour in Chapel Hill’s downtown business district. He shamelessly harasses every woman who happens to pass by…

Guy: How bout I buy you dinner? (The woman just waves no and walks off.) Aaaaaahhhhhhhh, come on!

Tunell (voice over): This pervert moans in ecstasy and uses words like “come” in a pathetic attempt at finding a mate.

Guy: Hey baby! (A woman looks at him and just walks off.)

Tunell (voice over): Even after all the advancements in women’s rights, this guy has the nerve to refer to an adult woman as an infant. But his antics are about to come to an abrupt end…(Guy makes a pass at a woman.) This sexual predator messes with the wrong prey. (She kicks him in the balls. Slow-mo replay begins.) The slow-motion replay shows that you don’t need booze to slam a hi-ball. As it turns out, the woman is actually an undercover cop (The woman throws the guy on the ground and apprehends him with her knee on his back.) who doesn’t mind being on top. Now this depraved soul will get all the sex he can handle…in jail.

Scene 4: In the pit, there is a student holding a sign that says “WAR, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?”

Tunell (voice over): University of North Carolina campus. I guess this Al Queda sympathizer took his summer reading a little too seriously. CIA operatives have been following this traitor all afternoon. Agent Smith gives the signal (Smith raises his hand to another agent. They move in and try to apprehend the student.) and they make their move. (The student runs and they chase after him.) But the traitor makes a run for it. What ensues is a dangerous hi-speed foot chase.

Camera operator: He’s running. He’s running!

Tunell (voice over): He leads the agents down the stairs, (The agents chase him down the Union stairs.) but then, recklessly, turns the corner. (The student makes a sharp turn and the agents slip on the ground. A slow-mo replay begins.) With absolutely no concern for the safety of others, the terrorist reverses the direction of the chase and leads the agents back up the stairs. (They chase him back up the stairs.) While our heroes catch their breadth, (Shot of the two agents panting at the top of the staircase. Shot changes to the student in front of the Student Union with his sign.) the criminal terrorizes more innocent bystanders with his anti-American protest. The chase resumes. (The agents resume chasing the student.)

Camera operator: Suspect is headed westbound.

Tunell (voice over): A near miss (The student almost runs into someone. Slow-mo begins.) doesn’t phase this psycho as he tares furiously down the interwalk. He’s going upwards of six, even seven miles per hour!

Camera operator: Try to cut him off at Wilson.

Tunell (voice over): Local authorities join the federal agents to stop this war criminal. In situations like these, the likelihood for casualties is extremely high.

Cut to interview with a random police officer.

Random Officer: In situations like these, the likelihood for casualties is extremely high.

Cut back to chase.

Tunell (voice over): A local officer makes a daring lunge from the shoulder (A cop jumps at the student from the side and they both fall. Slow-mo replay begins), stopping the criminal in his tracks, but risking his own life in the process. (The agents arrive at the “wreckage”) Luckily, Officer Riley escapes death with minor injuries to his head and spine. His audacity makes him an American hero. But as for the terrorist, we’ll just let Allah make the judgment. In the end, we are sure that the traitor will spend the rest of his days…in hell.

Scene 5: Replays of earlier scenes play.

Tunell (voice over): Tonight, we have witnessed some of the most vicious acts against humanity. But what these criminals had in common was that they could not escape the long arm of the law. I’m Sheriff John Tunell saying—justice is blind when it comes to crime!



FIN

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