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Comment by: pj - 2008-05-19 02:52
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Everyone that has been held down by somethin or someone will be touched by this poem The message and flow are artistically combined i love i love to bits . I wish icould be on that ride "to focus into the abssy and just enjoy the ride"
Your style and your creativity is fresh, keep them coming |
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Comment by: pitbull - 2008-05-19 02:36
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| Thanx guys for your comments, it does help Mick, thats a good suggestion...PS I dont even drive haha |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-05-18 03:58
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| One more thing.... Focus 'your' eyes into the abyss :) |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-05-18 03:56
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This is good but could be better... work on the middle of the piece, try and tighten the lines a bit. eg.
'It's like imagery
way ahead in time
push the pedal down
in your own space
in control now'
Just a suggestion. I hope that helps
Keep it up your a good writer from what I've seen,
and Aussie too... That's a huge head start.
Thanks for sharing.... :) Mick |
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Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-05-18 03:07
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| Very good! Your thought flows like a river! I like your writing style! Best wishes. |
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