Alien Poetry Challenge #16- Phantom Pistol
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Poetry >> Alien Poetry Challenge #16- Phantom Pistol
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Alien Poetry Challenge #16- Phantom Pistol
I put the gun back in the drawer, but
the trigger keeps on haunting me
and taunting me; am I so sure?
Are these illusions that I see?
The trigger keeps on haunting me
like ghosts returned from yesterday,
are these illusions that I see?
What use is there for me to pray?
Like ghosts returned from yesterday,
I'll swallow up another pill.
What use is there for me to pray
when emptiness is hard to fill?
I'll swallow up another pill
to chase away that distant shore,
when emptiness is hard to fill
I put the gun back in the drawer.
** First timer again for this challenge. Had fun!
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Comment by: alien - 2008-05-28 03:46
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| I like this a lot. I think there's a few places where your punctuation could be a little more precise and well-placed, but the actual poem itself seems competent and well done. I like the subject :) |
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Comment by: akabinny Online- 2008-05-26 12:32
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| Thanks for the great comments, really brightened my day! |
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| Very good work. I really like this. Gives the reader a sense of paranioa which is always fun to read. |
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| I'm thinking we're all first timers thus far, but this is good. You really brought it full-circle with the first line as the last without adding an extra line. Well done. Unless I'm totally confused, you may just have a winner here. Janet |
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