I was conflicted.....was i a boy
or the man i thought i was?.
I've struggled with my inner issue
while watching my children cry so
much they could drink from the tissues.

Their faces moist and confused...their
screams echoed in my back as i walked
away....why can't my child understand
that i struggle for my crown.

I was there in secret...i was there
when you fell and i wanted nothing
more than to cup your knee and kiss
your embrassment away.... i wanted
to hug you in the mist of your fears
and when you need hope and the river
was dry, i would cry for you just so
you could drink the strength from my eyes.

I never ment to make you another
kid in a panic, lost in the tides
of the world but.....I myself was
a loser...a junkie, i have a deep love affair
with liquor and at times i have a heavy hand
for your moms. No one told me living would
be this hard and yet im afraid to die cause
I don't know whats up there beyond the sky.


And all though we both speak different languages
were both pretty familar with what hurt is...my
child I wanted to give you the world but i was
stuck under the weight of it. My son, my daughter
love your smile, respect your bodies, stand up to
anybody dumb enough to attack your pride and most
of all.....don't let time make your dreams defer..
like mine.


I will walk this earth forever sick with the cancer
of being made of straw, yearning for
a good life with you....Im sorry.

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