Out of Sight (wee challenge 36)
The laughter heard from the games shows and sit-coms sounded stupid to Shelly while she stirred hot coco in her kitchen. She’d already seen all the movies offered tonight on HBO.
Her secret lover always showed up during a full moon. Shelly looked forward, anticipating his arms around her and remembering his unforgettable kiss. Tonight, he must have forgotten.
The arrangements to send her husband and children camping for the weekend, buy his favorite pizza and pack the refrigerator with beer seemed ridiculous without him. She didn’t even like beer and thought pizza too fattening.
The television played boring reruns, one after another, until Shelly couldn’t stay awake any longer. She went to the bedroom, undressed and before she opened the closet door, heard a rustling noise.
“Did I lock up that cat in here?” she muttered.
When she pulled the door open, her boyfriend sat on the floor, his chin bent to his knees.
“How long have you been here, hiding?”
“From ‘Wheel of Fortune’ until the ten o’clock news.”
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-06-01 13:30
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Nice one, Janyce. Full moon, eh? That raises so many questions.
One wee picky thing:
'her and remembering his unforgettable kiss. Tonight, he must have forgotten.' - 'remembering', 'unforgettabl'e and 'forgotten' so close together kind of tripped me up, but it's proabbaly just me as no one else fell over.
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Great story, Janyce. I have to admit, I imagined him buck naked in the closet. But that's just me... |
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It would be just like him to have fallen asleep in the closet and Shelley on the sofa. I think you could perhaps tighten up some of the wordiness here, Janyce, and give yourself some space for purple prose passages. Just my opinion though.
Is the boyfriend a werewolf?
Does he only kiss her once?
How'd he get in the closet in the first place?
Thanks for the read, Janyce - Grae:) |
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Comment by: alcarty - 2008-05-23 19:29
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| He's as bad as my wife, reckoning the time of day by TV programming. In this case, staying out of sight sounds like a good idea, just in case a kid gets sick and has to come home. Good take on the challenge. |
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this is more like it, back on form. loved it. I get a good sense of Shelly.
and the last line is KILLER. haha |
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