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MitchellNoel
Mitch Kelly
China, Guangdong, Guangzhou

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 10

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Control, Fault, Delete

My father; the last cabinet maker in our district. Upon his death, he left me a wardrobe I watched him build forty years ago. Although he forbade anyone entering his workshop, I often spied on him from the ground-level window, which looked down into his subterranean realm. His passion for his art was so strong he always chose mahogany over me and Mother. The way he handled us was not nearly as tender.

Brad was a craftsman of a different kind. He sliced open my chest, removed my heart, hollowed it out and set it back inside, the egg-shell-thin crust intact; all without leaving a visible scar.

I sat on the warm wooden floor. Brad sat in front of me, in a box, bursting with photographs. Us in the park, us in Paris—us in prison to be precise. Beyond the box was father’s wardrobe—ten feet tall, Edwardian, oak, stained.

Sweat wept from my forehead. Flames devoured the wardrobe and nibbled on the box of photos.

The burnt-out match twirled between my fingers.

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Comments  
alien Comment by: alien - 2008-06-10 05:45
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This is excellent as well. Mitch - you're a good flasher!

I mean that in the nicest possible way, you see.
MitchellNoel Comment by: MitchellNoel - 2008-06-06 20:04
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Thanks again guys.

Wanda-glad you enjoyed it and glad the title pointed you in the right direction :)

Karl- as always, great advice. I took it and made some changes. thanks :)

Karen- wow...why thank you...ummmmm...wow.
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2008-05-31 14:30
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Fantastic - loved 'chose mahogany over me and mother', 'a craftsman of a different kind', 'Brad sat in front of me, in a box, bursting with photographs' and the last line is great too.

Great stuff - thanks for the read.

Cheers

Karen
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-05-30 23:05
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Solid, Mitch. Absolutely solid. The one crit I have has to do with passive verbs. You've got a heart-felt and resonant flash here. "was" and "had" tend to dull your vivid wording. Consider replacing these verbs unless you feel that doing so would change the flavor of this too much.

Favorite line (but please drop "had"):

"He had sliced opened my chest, removed my heart, hollowed it out and set it back inside, the egg-shell-thin crust intact; all without leaving a visible scar."
WLC Comment by: WLC Online- 2008-05-27 06:17
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Wow.
The title instantly made me think--"Getting rid of a control freak." The rest was a multitude of heartache. Got the impression Father not only ignored the family, but was cruel as well. Seems Brad was no better. Women often chose lovers who are carbon copies of their fathers, then the cycle of pain repeats. Destroying it all with fire is a dramatic closure.-----------So good. Soooooo good.
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