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Story Challenge #36 - Out of Sight
I held on, my fingernails forcing grooves into the cliff wall. A vine curled round my leg for safekeeping. I hoped I wouldn't need to spring from the rocks and throw myself into empty air. The vine felt strong but I didn’t want to risk it. I was an accountant, not Tarzan.
I could hear them above me, shuffling around like a herd of grazing cows. I knew it was deceptive. They’d tear apart anything living given the chance. Their awful groans filled the forest, their carrion stench polluting the air. They weren’t built for stealth. The living could hear and smell them coming.
Marty said that their sense of smell was superior to ours. They’d lost their human reliance on sight. “They use sound and smell to hunt”, he’d said. I didn’t believe him. Surely their groans hid human sounds. That rotting smell had to mask the scent of any prey. At least, I hoped it did. That way, all I had to be concerned with was keeping out of sight.
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-05-31 13:11
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Quite a picture I have in my head of the 'creatures' - yet you didn't really describe them, made me come up with my own horrible vision.
Nicely done, Icy.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: demidan - 2008-05-30 19:09
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| "Out of Sight" Seems to me a short snapshot of tension. Almost the apex of a chase/escape scene. A little loose in the wording but could be built into something much larger. |
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| Raised the hair on the back of my neck. Loved both of your stories, and agree they stand on their own. Nothing like a pack of undead to complicate an simple accountants life. Great suspense and use of sound and smell to complete the picture. |
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good read. enjoyed both pieces and I think they do work both together and separately. It is refreshing to have a zombie fest in the jungle. Nice touch.
Also love how you weaved in the title in the last line very subtly. :) |
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Comment by: icy - 2008-05-28 08:27
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| Made some changes, cheers for the crit. :-) |
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