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Why I Hate The Rain
He won‘t come if there‘s rain.
He would climb the serrated rock;
Whether the stone be cold, or the plummet bleak.
He’d have its flint pounded through his palms;
If only I was waiting for him upon its peak.
He would hunt down a fallen night;
Whether its moon fell in the sea, or razed red.
He’d plot wrongly in contempt against its shadows,
If only for the sake of some gossip that I spread.
His colors are amber-- the only spectrum he can see,
There, I shall drift on the wind
and trust in my heart,
That he comes for me,
I know not whether the stakes be trivial, or dire…
But,
He would swim through the lakes of fire;
Whether the brimstone be brittle, or dense.
He’d whip upon the hounds of hell,
If only to press The Ferry Man to refund my pence.
He would draw upon his relics;
Whether their memories cleave to joy, or shame.
He’d leave himself nude and broken,
If only I would remember for him his name.
His colors are amber-- the only spectrum he can see,
There, he chases the wind
and steps over my heart;
That has been lost to me,
I know not whether I be plagued, or sane…
But,
He won’t come if there’s rain.
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Comment by: Isi - 2008-05-31 16:40
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I like the structure of this poem and the way you make it cyclical so we can have more time for some indication that your wish is going to become a reality despite the rain.
I love the way you express those feeling using what it seems to be an interminable source of metaphors. |
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Comment by: - 2008-05-29 17:19
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| the imagery is really good and i love the rhythm. very good. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2008-05-29 10:44
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Really loved this!
You used really great adjectives which made this very visual and palpable.
“He would hunt down a fallen night” My favorite line
I read this a few times so I could give a critique as well as
telling you how much I liked this poem.
It was hard because the tone and wording really works well together.
So this is just nitpicking.
“His colors are amber-- the only spectrum he can see,”
Maybe
“Compass”
“His compass is amber;
the only spectrum he can see.”
“There, I shall drift on the wind
and trust in my heart,
That he comes for me,
I know not whether the stakes be trivial, or dire…”
Maybe
It is there I shall drift on the wind
trusting in my heart
that he will come for me.
Whether the stakes be trivial or dire
I really enjoyed reading this.
I liked the concept of someone doing everything and anything
to get to her (you), but something as superficial
as the rain keeps them at bay.
Sheri** |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-05-29 01:23
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Kind of an epic poem you have written here.
I love the metaphorical imagery you paste in to the readers mind
You have certainly weaved a close-nit tapestry here. Well done
… :) Mick
Ps. It's rain here tonight. |
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Comment by: - 2008-05-29 01:18
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This is a really touching poem, well-constructed and generally a pleasant read that leaves a pleasant lingering aftertaste in the mind.
The ferry man is not all bad, He gave Orpheus a free pass in exchange for a song.
In moments of solitude, one can hear the refrain, it can't rain all the time... |
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