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Throne Room
"Lauren! Don't you ever knock?"
"Mommy can't find her cell phone."
"Well, it isn't in here. Get out!"
"Um... Daddy?"
"What?"
"Why do you pee from your finger?"
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Comment by: icy - 2008-08-07 08:23
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| Heh, I love that! Such a visual scene just in dialogue...well done! |
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Comment by: alcarty - 2008-06-21 08:08
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| Nicely worded, Karl. The scene and tone are absolute reality. |
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| Very funny, great dialogue. Good stuff |
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Have to agree that I like Throne Room a lot better. More of a joke, "sanctuary" sounds too literary. ^_^ My only concern is that he goes from really annoyed to helpful in just a few lines. Probably is the normal reaction of a loving dad. Nobody likes being walked in on.
"Lauren! Don't you ever knock?"
"Mommy can't find her cell phone."
"Well, it isn't in here. Out, out!"
"Um... Daddy?"
"What?"
"Why do you pee from your finger?"
Very cute, overall. To be honest, there's not a lot to critique, but that's not the worst thing in the world.
Thanks for writing! |
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Wow. Wowee. The words cut and dry dont even begin to describe this. In joke terms, you have punchline and beginning well put and ending quickly, but well. Literary speaking, you have resolution immeadiately, with no developement.
Who am I kidding? This is brilliant. |
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