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Dialogue exercise - The Silent Treatment
“George!”
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“Oh, here you are. Where were you?”
…
“I see. How very mature. Did you not come because we’d been fighting?”
…
“You’re such a bloody child! I’m owed an apology! Do you realize how embarrassing it was to have to turn up tonight alone? I needed you there!”
…
“I don’t want to be angry with you, you know. I don’t want you to be angry with me… Oh it’s all so stupid. You need to stop huffing. I don’t like fighting with you. I love you, you know.”
…
“George?”
…
“Oh my God…”
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Comment by: safi - 2008-09-22 15:09
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i'd say, 'you owe me an apology' rather than 'i'm owed."
but i think thats an american vs. british way a talkin. |
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| HMmmm. I like how you keep the reader guessing. Let me see...I am guessing that she accidently killed George unintentionally before she could really hear and understand what he was saying to her! That is just my guess. Good story though. Very good writing. Keep it up! |
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Oooh, he's dead, isn't he? Is that his secret?
Overall, this is really very well done (sneaky cheat ^_^) and I only have a few tiny comments. This
"Did you not come because we’d been fighting?"
sounds very awkward. "Is this because of the fight?" or maybe "Did you not come because of our fight?" Something a little more crisp, syntax-wise, would flow better.
and this paragraph
“I don’t want to be angry with you, you know. I don’t want you to be angry with me… Oh it’s all so stupid. You need to stop huffing. I don’t like fighting with you. I love you, you know.”
just has a few many "yous" , most especially in the last sentence.
Other than that, very nice!
Thanks for writing! |
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Comment by: mynamelez Online- 2008-06-09 04:23
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Quite a good build up.
You keep the reader guessing to the end and then let imanination come up with it's own conclusion. I assume she was having a phone conversation which still counts as a two person dialogue.
I liked this. Keep up the good work. |
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| an interesting take with all the dialogue coming from one person. Was great that the end left a little to the imagination. He could be drunk, unconscious or even dead at the end! (all would be good excuses as to why he didn't show...) |
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