 |
 |
 |
| |
A Little Problem -Wee Challenge #37
Sweat trickled down his temple. Sergeant Corey Ford stood frozen in the crowded alley of Kirkuk. A gust of furnace-hot air blasted dust and sand into his face. He did not blink. His right hand grazed his sidearm, his radio crackled.
“Ford, come in.”
Corey’s eyes fixed on the small figure, shrouded from head to toe in a faded black burkha, eyes shining like copper pennies. She held the bundle, wrapped like an infant, away from her body. Throngs of shoppers swarmed around her. She did not move.
Corey pressed the button on the radio.
“We have a situation here.”
Sweat burned his eyes as he watched the bundle drop and Hell-fire erupt.
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: karjon - 2008-06-25 06:07
|
|
Excellent, Vickie. I particularly liked the idea of shoppers swarming around her, unaware. That made me focus on the two main characters, as though they were frozen in the middle of the scene.
Great stuff - one of your best, I'd say (and they're all good).
Cheers
Karen |
|
|
| A taut and thoughtful piece of flash. Makes you wonder how anyone would cope with a situation like that. What could you do? You really made this scene come alive. Brilliant. |
|
|
Thanks, everyone. Wanda - took your advice - thanks for pointing that out.
Mitch - this left me kind of drained. I feel like writing about furry kittens now. |
 |
Comment by: WLC - 2008-06-10 10:44
|
|
Liked this much!
I noticed in your first par. every sentence is very military tight. Removing the "as" at the end would keep that taut feeling.---"His right arm grazed his sidearm, his radio crackled."
The entire piece is miliary tight for that matter. Fabulously style and story line! |
|
|
Again, you've taken on a giant topic and covered it well. Good on you for being brave enough to go there.
Haunting images indeed. You've subtley asked the big question, the answer to which we may never know: What goes through these peoples' minds leading up to this?
Disturbed. Which means good writing.
The only suggestion I can make is try to think of ways to cut back on he/she/his/her.
Thanks Vick :) |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
