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Passion's Path
Kenzo and Kiko’s paths crossed one day on Seven Carp Bridge.
“You are my soul mate,” said he.
“That much is clear,” said she.
Doves listened intently and cooed.
Kiko’s father, the King, condemned the union. “You speak of love? You know nothing of love.”
As a Northice and a Southling, their only lifeline was that bridge—naturally, the King destroyed it.
“Please understand, Father, our hearts beat as one.”
“Foolish child. Get out of my sight.”
Kiko ran to where the bridge once stood. Kenzo gazed back.
“I must be with you,” said he.
“That much is clear,” said she.
Doves listened intently and cooed.
The lovers leapt toward each other, eyes locked.
And in that moment, Thousand Dove Bridge was formed.
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| What a wonderful story, seriously great work, congrats |
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Great story, well deserving of the win. Makes me wonder about the story of how it got its original name: perhaps carps are also hopeless romantics at heart.
could not think of any crits. |
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Comment by: alcarty - 2008-07-10 17:50
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| I saw the nomination on the Forum, but hadn't read the piece. Now that I see it, congratulations on a solid story. That much is clear. Good work. |
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| Thanks, Karen. Bless your cotton socks. What would we do without our Punctuation Princess?? (ooo maybe I can write you into this story?) |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-06-25 06:18
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Fantastic - loved it, Mitch.
Couple of picky punctuation things:
As a Northice and a Southling; their only lifeline was that bridge—naturally, the King destroyed it.
- I'd replace the semi with a comma.
“Please understand Father, our hearts beat as one.” - you need a comma before 'Father', as he is being addressed.
But it's just a beautifully done wee story - thanks for a great read.
Cheers
Karen |
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