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Farewell Haiku
Your door at my back,
The taxi arrives too fast;
No time for 'Goodbye.'
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Comment by: - 2008-06-26 13:53
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| I've always felt that haiku are distillations of the essence of a moment in time. As such, you've captured it well. Were I to offer criticism at all, I'd say that the haiku is somewhat more open ended than usual. It leaves the reader with questions ("why no time?" comes to mind). I love it, and I think you've captured it well. This poem, in and of itself, is excellent - but for haiku in general, the openness/closedness of the poem is worth some thought. :) |
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-06-23 23:56
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| I'm with YolandaRenee. Excellent! Short, sweet and says it all. I love this! |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-06-10 04:08
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| Farewells can sometimes feel rushed and like you never said goodbye at all. You have captured this well in this great Haiku. Well done. :) |
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I reckon ‘soon’ would be better than ‘fast’ otherwise I get an image of the taxi screeching to a halt.
Otherwise, nice work. |
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Comment by: - 2008-06-09 10:03
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| Hi, very well done, but maybe consider revising the word "too". In such a short form, you want the strongest words possible, and maybe you could rework the line to make it the right amount of syllables with a stronger word. |
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