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Under New Management (A Little Problem/ Wee Challenge #37)
The concierge eyed the contents of the bag, frowning.
"It seems we have a problem, Mr. Lawrence."
Tom smiled. "What problem?"
"This is no longer the Beacon Lodge. We are now the Lincolnshire and cannot accept these antics any more."
Tom felt the entire lobby staring at him. "I´ve always paid well."
"Yes, but bringing girls here night and day then leaving such a mess for us to clean is unacceptable. Now go before I am forced to call the police."
Tom took the bag and left.
The bell hop came up to the concierge. "Everything ok?"
"Well enough. Have Sheryl clean Mr Lawrence´s room."
"Is it gonna be bad?"
"All I know is that this time there will be no head to dispose of."
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Comment by: troyarn - 2008-10-21 10:32
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| Thanks for the comments, Gwelch1984! I have been held back from getting on here much lately, but I definitely plan to check out some of your works soon. Again, thanks! |
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The last line was a wonderful hook. Something about small (or semi small) towns that bring the best (horror) out of folks lol
I personally think the conversation flowed very well, and the entry to the short story was very honest. Stories never start at the beginning, they just start where the just before the trouble. When a story has a too polished beginning that looks like a neat beginning (Ranting to self mostly lol) thats when they seem jilted and the truth of fiction is harder for the reader to find.
You, sir, havent done this, and I commend you. The truth is easy to find in your peace.
Hope you'll take a gander my way and see what ya think of those.
---Greg---- |
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Comment by: troyarn - 2008-09-01 12:04
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| Thanks for the comments, AJSmith! Glad you enjoyed it. Like you said, that couldnt ACTUALLY happen. Um..right? Have a great week and I look forward to reading some of your works soon. |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2008-08-27 19:07
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| Short and, dare I say it, not so sweet. It's freakiness is reminiscent of old pulp horror shorts where the ideas were more abstract and less about making sense, and more about evoking horror. Of course this couldn't ACTUALLY happen, but I like worlds where unreality is reality. |
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Comment by: troyarn - 2008-07-18 16:24
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| Thanks for correcting me on "bellhop" and for the advice, Safi. |
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