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"Where Were You..."(A dialogue exercise)
“Where were you last night?”
“I was called in for an emergency.”
“All night?”
“There was a trauma code and I was in the OR until 5 am. Then I lay down in the on-call room and fell asleep.”
“I didn’t think you were on-call.”
“Roger asked me to cover for him. David graduated yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“My cell was dead and I was tired.”
“Well, you had me worried.”
“I’m sorry.”
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Comment by: alcarty Online- 2008-07-03 15:26
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| Phil, this is good reading as is, but with just a trifling amount of setting, maybe the smells, etc., this would be an even better flash, or a short-short. The dialogue is perfect. Good work. |
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| Really well done dialogue. Feels very natural. |
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| Very realistic, very un-intense. Of course, the fact that it is unintense only shows how intense normalcy is. Nice exercise. |
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Interesting little story. I like how it teeters on the edge here; normally it would be obvious that the doctor is cheating, but it's unsure in this piece.
Few edits--lied to lay
“Where were you last night?”
“I got called in for an emergency.”
“All night?”
“There was a trauma code and I was in the OR until 5 am. Then I lay down in the on-call room and fell asleep.”
(I like how in those lines he almost explains too much, almost pushes it into unbelievable territory.)
“I didn’t think you were on-call.”
“Roger asked me to cover for him. David graduated yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“My cell was dead and I was tired.”
“Well, you had me worried.”
“I’m sorry.”
Not really much to say here--I like the doctor's very cold and clinical tone, but I wish the other speaker had more personality.
Thanks for writing! |
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this reminds me of convos ive had in various relationships. it also defines a huge part of relationships. the need to communicate.
this flows well too. |
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