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GarethCB
Gareth Brownbill
United Kingdom, Crawley

Words: 125
Access: Public
Comments: 12

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Passion's Path

Each step was agony. Blood dripped down his face, into his eyes and mouth, blinding him and making him retch with the salty taste of his own torn flesh.

He stumbled and fell into the dirt. His heavy load fell on top of him, making him cry out. A cloud of dust floated up and he coughed and choked. The crowds laughed and taunted him. Soldiers kicked him and told him to get up, but he couldn’t move.

The weight was lifted off him and he was dragged to his feet. A stranger was forced to carry his cross. Soon, he told himself, the suffering will end and people will know the truth. Slowly, he made his way along the path of his Passion.

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Comments  
icy Comment by: icy - 2008-08-07 08:26
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Wow. That's pretty much all I can say. Very evocative.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-06-26 18:42
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Gareth - long time no read, see etc.

Great Wee Story, but yeah (broken record time) get rid of the passive and it'll be a BRILLIANT Wee Story.

Cheers

Karen
Gary Holden Comment by: Gary Holden - 2008-06-15 23:36
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This is a great piece of flash writing. I always struggle to link all the pieces but you have done a good job here. Just thinking 'The weight was lifted off him and he was dragged to his feet' - I think to make things work easier with the preceding line would be better as 'Then the weight was....as he was dragged to his feet'
It's an excellent scene.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-06-11 07:07
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Incredible scene, Gareth. I have only one small nit to pick. With such vivid writing, why saddle it with passive verbs like "was"? Consider switching those out with something more active. I think this piece will be even more vivid.
troyarn Comment by: troyarn - 2008-06-11 02:44
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Great imagery, Gareth! I thought the changes were good and your use of the word "Passion" excellent!
You took a story we all know and breathed new life into it, making it just as alive as we are. Good job.
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By GarethCB

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