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| Why thank you my dear Orpheas (blushes)! |
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Comment by: - 2008-06-21 15:14
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It sounds like some one has been reading from Tzara's playbook.
This piece has all the hallmarks of revolutionary dada to it, sort of like Ed Vedder's really old lyrics. It is either that or Kerouac has been a muse, purposively or inadvertently.
Either way, the tradition allows one to posit any meaning one sees fit.
I read this piece as moving on, letting go of dreams and comforting illusions in order to make real sense of the world. Emotively, I feel this piece disconnects from its origin. There is something to it in the word 'fronting' - a word used in other pieces too. |
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| Thanks all! I have tweaked it a bit, how 'bout now? |
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| I think it does a nice job of abstract, but it reaches a point where the abstract could be communicated better. Hard hitting is good, but it needs some thing...else. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-06-14 02:19
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It does havea great sound to it but, even though it's meant to be abstract, it still has to mean something to the reader and to be accessible up to a certain point. I think one would have to break this down into tiny little pieces and analyse each seperate statement, then tack them back together to find a rounded meaning. And that would be different for every reader. In that respect, this poem is successful as an abstract but for me, it didn't really mean anyuthing other than a clever jumble of words and sounds. Perhaps a bit of punctuation or clearer line breaks would direct the reader more towards a way to interpret this piece.
You've used some commas so this piece therefore requires full punctuation (or you have to remove ALL punctuation and use the line breaks to do its job - see my poem "cast iron bird" for a clearer idea of what I mean). |
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