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Sylvia Plath on Nitrazepam - but excluding the finality of dying on Gas Mark 6. The words exact a difficult place to be in - caught between a psychological rock and a psychotic hard place. Your work has moved on so far from violent rage to a subdued acceptance in the months and years I first read your work. Well done, Lana. You have seared yourself in the fire to reveal the honest face of a dying woman with first degree burns. Think of yourself like Simon Weston with tits.
Isabella x |
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Comment by: Manda - 2008-06-22 06:50
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| succinct and interesting. sometimes little short pieces work very well and here the tone is represented perfectly. the only suggestion I have would be to change luminescent to luminous but it really is just a minor thing. otherwise, good work. short poems are hard hard hard to do! |
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Comment by: history - 2008-06-15 03:54
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Yeah I agree with using 'mists' twice, it is a bit lazy really, I will think of a better word for that. I like the first use of it though:
A haze to mist
I like the fact you can use them with different meanings, I could have written 'A mist to haze' and it would still work. |
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| I like this, it says a lot with just a few words. Only tweak I might suggest is... a haze to ______. I thought there might be a better word for mist, maybe cover? Oops, but then 'these mists' doesn't quite fit, does it? These covers? |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-06-14 06:54
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| I like this with one exception: MISTS. I wouldn't use it after having already used MIST. You could swap it for HAZES. |
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