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Intstrumental
Bass Line.
I am the grungy, low bassline
that fits your melody.
I vibrate
down
lower
down
as you tweak
as you pluck my strings.
I gravitate toward you
bending to your calloused fingertips,
But if you
mould me too far
in your search for symphonic perfection
I will fall out of tune,
my strings will break
and the music will cease.
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Comment by: Sophia - 2008-06-25 01:21
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| Beautifully written, I loved the opening lines, and the structure of this piece. Very effective. |
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| great use of metaphor. very strongly done. the reader can mold it into many different scemes they can relate relate to...m |
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Thanks all!
It is meant to be a very metaphorical peice. Myself as an instrument, and the other as the player. It's meant to describe a mildly abusive relationship. We've all seen it, between lovers, between families, etc. The player is those people who push and prod at their loved ones to try to make them who they want them to be, but, ultimately, the relationship becomes damaged.
Hope that helps, read "Admonition" by Sylvia Plath. Its blood flows through the same veins. |
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| relationships can be so much better if they read and understand this; holding on to something so precious so closely destroys the music of love. |
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Comment by: Beck Online- 2008-06-11 15:54
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Cool write Lindsay, loving the interplay between the music and strings and the building sexual tension.
One thing that threw me off a bit was that I became confused as to whether the relationship was between a bass and the player
"as you pluck my strings."
or if it was a relationship between a separate melodic element and a bassline within a piece of music.
"I am the grungy, low bassline
that fits your melody."
I preferred to think of it as the latter, that is, as two parts of a composition meeting because I felt this was more consistent with the double meaning behind everything in the poem.
If you changed the line "as you pluck my strings" to "as you pluck at strings" it would eliminate that element of doubt. As a bassline you can still bend to the fingertips playing a guitar's (or harp's or piano's etc.) changing melody and instead of the bassline being physically moulded by fingers it can be changed by the fingers of the accompanying musician in the same way... so I don't feel there would be any need to change anything else.
Though I guess the poem would maybe lose some of its sense of physical contact? Thing is, I like both of the potential interactions in the poem but I'm not sure you can have both.
I'm not sure how much of this comment makes sense... I really did love the poem. I'm just picking at a "my" and an "at". |
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