Only when I drinking
can I get close enough for it to hurt.

a curious thing
bringing me closer to warmth even as it kills me

intimacy in distance...
the way I've always been,
the way I can ask you to read my writing now,
hundreds of miles away,
but never face to face.

I need to feel as if I have nothing to lose
Why can't I feel that way all the time?
Why don't I have the balls to really be a gambler?

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