Lucy's secret (dialogue exercise)
"Lucy, come here."
"Yeah, Mom?"
"What is this?"
"Hey, why are you going through my stuff?"
"That's not the issue. How could you?"
"I didn't think it was that big a deal."
"Not a big deal?"
"Yeah, you did it."
"That was a very long time ago."
"So?"
"Just because I did it, doesn't make it right."
"Mom, chill. You are making a big deal out of nothing."
"Nothing, you call reading this smut nothing?"
"Mom relax, it's just Danielle Steel."
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Very cute little piece (I feel the same way as her mother about most romance novels ^_^) though it gets a little repetitive. Also, I wish we got a littttle bit more about their characters, instead of just repeating the mother's horror.
Some tiny edits ("dialogue only" is harder to edit than I thought it would be)
"Lucy, come here."
"Yeah, Mom?"
"What's this?"
"Hey! Why were you going through my stuff?"
"That's not the issue. How could you?"
"It's really not that big of a deal, Mom. You did it too."
"A long time ago!"
"So?"
"Just because I did it, that doesn't make it right."
"You're such a snob."
"Don't talk to me like that."
"It's nothing!"
"You call reading this trash 'nothing?'"
"It's just Danielle Steel."
Nothing too drastic, I just tried to re-word things to be a little more natural in rhythm and syntax, then tried to add a litttle more emotion. Not sure if that quite worked, but at least it's an idea.
Thanks for writing! |
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| vERY GOOD WRITING. THANKS FOR THE FUN READ. |
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| funny to see the mother mother confess like that. happens too much sometimes. |
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Darn I put my version in the actual forum...
A brand NEW place for writers, www.whiteprose.com. |
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| We've all been there... Thanks for the fun read! |
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