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freudmamaspank
lauren singer
United States, ma, great barrington

Words: 186
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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71st & 8th drunk girl

baby girl's gotta haiku in her hipbones
and she's calling me his name with her
drunken stutter.
i'm trying to tell her i'm not her lover
when all i wanna do is hold her,
bring her face into my shoulder
and press my hands into her soft belly.
i am wing-nut shy of losing hope tonight,
the grey sky luna breathing shanty lost cause into
the wholesome economy of midtown avenue nothingness.
she is aggressive with her belt loops
as i graze the sharp edge of my five o'clock shadow,
she is wearing waterproof eye-liner,
a raccoon streak of trying too hard
like garbage on her face.
i want to wipe her down and undress her
without making her feel used.
i want to feed her dry toast and hot water
and take her shoes off slowly.
i want to make her laugh about something
she cries about later when i'm not around.
i wanna go to her and make it better.

but it ain't my name she's calling out.
i'm just the one who hears her.

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Comments  
jakrebs Comment by: jakrebs - 2008-08-18 20:35
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This is absolutely excellent. I agree with mickeyp - this poem's fully cooked; leave it as is.

Someday I'll be telling my friends, "I was reading and digging Lauren Singer's writing years before she made it big. They'll say, "Yeah sure you were." That is if they're even listening to me.
U.V.RAY Comment by: U.V.RAY - 2008-06-16 02:13
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I have to say I like it. Plenty of emotive, raw energy driving it. And It has an umistakeable strong "beat" style running through it.
MsWizard Comment by: MsWizard - 2008-06-15 22:28
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This is GREAT. It's raw, it's vivid painful and beautiful. I love it! The lines:

"baby girl's gotta haiku in her hipbones
and she's calling me his name with her
drunken stutter"

and the last two lines were my particular favorites~
mickeyp Comment by: mickeyp - 2008-06-15 20:08
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Your choice of images to capture is startling and beautiful. This is one of those pieces I want to pick apart for all the stunning words and phrases you use, but find it difficult because every line is composed of them. Don't change a thing.
MKaren Comment by: MKaren - 2008-06-15 18:29
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The ending is so sad! Overall, it came out pretty good. I just suggest spacing it differently. Like putting an extra enter after every few sentances-- just somewhere that it works.
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By freudmamaspank

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