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frees340
Vyasar Ganesan
United States, TX, Austin

Words: 199
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Wee Challenge 38: You've Got Mail

There’s not much left. The concrete has powdered away, leaving skeletal edifices. Asphalt roads are cracked or gone.
The rumble is still audible, but graciously far off.

Still, every time I hear that ever-distant sound, the shakes break into my head, and I can feel them in my marrow.

The others with me, a slim girl and a grizzled man, close their eyes and mumble when the rumble gets a decibel louder. Fear has gotten us, and won‘t let go.

Slap. Slap. Slaps coming nearer and nearer. Daring to look out, we see a battered, bruised rider coming near. We stand up, and await his judgment, his news.

The insignia of an eagle is barely visible on his torn jacket. Staring at us, he puts a trembling hand in, drawing out a dingy letter. “The mail always gets through,” he chokes, desperation in his eyes.

The poor girl takes the paper delicately. Unfolding it gently, she reads, birdlike eyes darting slowly. Then, she gasps, and drops it to the earth, tears following.

I pick up the thin paper, and blow the dust off. I get as far as “You Might Win” before I have to throw up.

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Comments  
scottjensen Comment by: scottjensen - 2008-06-30 15:59
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EXCELLENT setting; it really brought out the image of your characters and the mood. The ending made me laugh, I wasnt expecting the piece to end comical like that. Liked some of the little things you pointed out, too:

The insignia of an eagle is barely visible on his torn jacket.

Great piece.
Lee Lacuna Comment by: Lee Lacuna - 2008-06-24 22:58
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A good idea, slightly lost in the ending.
ThePenguin Comment by: ThePenguin - 2008-06-23 14:29
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Shades of David Brin's "The Postman"!

Love the "publisher's clearing house" reference. Had enough of those to want to throw up as well - even snail mail has its spam! But memory says that the envelope showed the company, so there's be no need to open the mail to know it's junk.

Not sure about the "clap clap clap" bit - horses usually go "clip-clop" (see Monty Python)."long-away sound" - maybe "far-away", or just plain "distant". "edifices bare"? edifices are usually buildings; if the concrete has gone, they wouldn't be there!

Good take on the apocalyptic!
frees340 Comment by: frees340 - 2008-06-18 20:26
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Disgust. Sheer disgust that the only meaningful form of contact from across the country is junk mail.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-06-18 19:46
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A well painted scene that gives glipse into a much larger story. I like the large feel of it - and the fact that the description doesn't feel forced or overly arty. I'm with Mitchell on the ending though. Wny was he/she/it throwing up? Radiation sickness? flu? dust allergy?
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