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akabinny
Lindsay Leggett
Canada, Ontario, Toronto

Words: 201
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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My Dearest (Wee Challenge 38)

Dearest Ellie:

Can you imagine that day we met, when the sun was glowing like a radio-active marigold, how lovely your smile was to me? How serene you looked at the edge of the dock, your hair like a chocolate flag in the wind, and those sweet, sweet cherry eyes. I thought they must have been a genetic alteration, but you laughed as you told me they were real. It is all I can think of now, that smile, those cheerful lines around your eyes.

Can you imagine?

Ellie, I have lost my way, and the enemy has tracked me down. I do not have much time left, I fear. They will prevail, despite all of our strategies, and the world as we know it will come to an end, but not for you. You must live Ellie, for you are more important than you realize. I always knew, from that first day. Your task is still not complete. You must think back on our moments, like when you kissed me suddenly in that crowd of Maki, and we were almost shot. The answer will come to you.

Now it is my turn to wait for you.

I love you,

Stu.

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Comments  
Lee Lacuna Comment by: Lee Lacuna - 2008-06-24 23:02
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This is well-written but I felt I was reading a fragment of something larger.
ThePenguin Comment by: ThePenguin Online- 2008-06-23 14:38
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I like the idea, but this doesn't quite work. There's too much disparity between the desperation in the second part and the caring in the first part. If the writer is in mortal danger, would he bother writing the first half of the missive? If stu is writing a farewell note, wouldn't he start with the second half, and build in the first part as he was going along?
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-06-20 05:12
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okay. Duh. I get it now. It's time for coffee.
akabinny Comment by: akabinny - 2008-06-19 07:22
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Thanks for the comments.

He does not have much time left because the enemy is after him, and he knows that he is about to die.

The last line states, that since she was waiting for him while he was away at war, now he shall wait for her in death.

Hope that clarifies!
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-06-18 19:58
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I have to admit, the first paragraph made me a bit hungry reading it. So many sweet images. It was a neat glimpse at an apocalyptic world, with a huge back story.

The one thing that threw me was the apparent disconnect between these two sentences:

"I do not have much time left, I fear."

"Now it is my turn to wait for you."

might need to fix that or explain it better
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By akabinny

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