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vlclasby
vickie clasby
United States, TN, Franklin

Words: 199
Access: Public
Comments: 10

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You've Got Mail-Wee Challenge#38

Brad drove home in the battered Toyota, the rattle-rattle-clang-clang of the ancient motor overpowering the radio. He pumped the brakes several times before grinding to a stop. Brad turned the key and waited while the car chuffed for ten seconds, billowing noxious blue smoke. His amp and guitar occupied the spot in back where the baby seat would go.

The three-month tour with the Dirtbombs was pure bliss. They’d held their own with the world’s best jam band, schmoozed with some labels and agents. But they’d been home two weeks now, and nothing. Emma was already showing, and they needed insurance. He remembered the job interview today and shuddered. Insurance call center. He felt his soul leaking.

He walked in the door and tossed his jacket and tie over the recliner. Emma stood up, looking pale. “You got something in the mail, looks like a bill."

Brad wanted to turn around, walk back out, but picked up the official looking envelope. He fought the urge to drop it and run, and pulled open the thick packet of papers. A contract from the Dirtbombs label, with a check.

Emma’s puffy face showed concern. “You okay?”

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Comments  
vlclasby Comment by: vlclasby - 2008-06-23 09:37
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Karl, I see your point. Put my cart before my horse. Changed it up - more linear.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-06-21 20:22
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Cool! The dirtbombs - what a name. One small crit:

"Blue smoke plumed from the tailpipe, as the car continued chuffing for ten seconds after Brad turned the key." [the sequencing on this is off. I think turning the key should come first, then chuffing, then smoke]
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 Online- 2008-06-21 11:50
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Brings all this to my house. My son is hoping for a contract deal and money.
I'll save this to read to him; maybe it'll inspire, hehe.

Great imagery! Most musicians have the same lifestyle unless they are noticed by the right people.
vlclasby Comment by: vlclasby - 2008-06-20 11:29
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Thanks all. Brad gets around, doesn't he? Thanks Keiko for catching that one.
KeikoAlvarez Comment by: KeikoAlvarez - 2008-06-20 11:23
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Nice story.
Comment:
"He pumped the brakes several times before it ground to a stop, then continued chuffing for ten seconds..." implies that Brad kept chuffing. If you wrote "Blue smoke plumed from the tailpipe as the car kept chuffing even after Brad turned the key." I think it would be better
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By vlclasby

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