writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
ThePenguin
Peter Budvietas
Online
New Zealand, Auckland

My Bookshop
Words: 199
Access: Public
Comments: 5

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




You've Got Mail

Should he risk another disappointment?

Paul stares at the screen. There, in the centre, a message flashes between black and red. A simple text box, calling attention to itself. He sighs, wondering if this is the message he is waiting for. Too often, the message is selling Viagra, replica watches or, more annoying, the invitation to visit with some hot teenager whose face suggests years of experience in whoredom.

He moves the mouse. On screen, the cursor responds, stopping on the message. He pauses, finger poised over the button. A double-click, and he will see the message, whatever it is.

He leaves the cursor on the message box and examines the icons scattered over the screen, entry points to his tools of trade – the Internet, the word processor, the spreadsheet and database system, the integrated development environment, and new work folder.

Maybe he should just ignore box now dominating the screen he sees. The odds from recent experience say it will be SPAM of some kind.

He clicks the box. Why wonder when one can see what it is?

Relief and disappointment follow: it is from whom he was waiting for, but not the news he had hoped for…

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]


My Bookshop

Comments  
frees340 Comment by: frees340 - 2008-06-23 16:38
Add to Readers
      
Suspense-a-suspense! The opening line is wonderful, and there is an immediate buildup of tension that goes all the way and doesnt dissappear. Very solid, piece of intrigue. Your description are the fun.
One crit: Go over it again. Just to make sure.
QueenMoniqwa Comment by: QueenMoniqwa - 2008-06-22 13:40
Add to Readers
      
Really great...you absolutely embrace the neurotic self-doubt that I often experience.

So much conveyed in so few words.

Excellent work and thank you for sharing.

HRH QM
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 Online- 2008-06-21 21:19
Add to Readers
      
hummm...makes one wonder what news is that?

Don't we become dependent on the computer screen like it's a newly legalized drug?

I get notices that I inherited a fortune from somebody in Nigeria. My delete icon is used more by my mouse than anything else on my computer screen.
Koinonia Comment by: Koinonia Online- 2008-06-20 12:53
Add to Readers
      
I've done this many times and you've got it down! Just one note

'Maybe he should just ignore [the] box now dominating the screen he sees'

Otherwise, this is sound.
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-06-20 07:18
Add to Readers
      
Dandy read with a solid ending, Down Under! You fooled me, I thought he was going to trigger a virus when he finally opened the message.

‘the invitation to visit with some hot teenager whose face suggests years of experience in whoredom.' (Great line!)
1

Sponsored Ads


By ThePenguin

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S