writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
shuchikalra
Shuchi Kalra
India

Words: 87
Access: Public
Comments: 4

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Journey Through a Vortex

Into the grand vortex I spin,
Seeing stars around
That I seen to hold
A base power pulls me behind
“It’s futile”, she told.

Static will I be,
All my days?
Souls so empty and cold
The sparkle dims in my eyes,
Fighting doubts and seeming bold.

Envy, Pride, Greed
What is it?
That grows on man like mold
Slash! Comes a sword,
Muse goes cuckold.

On an off-beaten path
Thrashing thorn bushes,
With a sickle of gold
Leaving the mind aside,
Letting the heart unfold.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
prolificsantu Comment by: prolificsantu Online- 2008-07-04 21:58
Add to Readers
      
great!
nivipooh Comment by: nivipooh - 2008-07-03 14:00
Add to Readers
      
Wow I am not much into poems but this one was simple to understand and no forced ryhmes liked it
MarkAikins Comment by: MarkAikins Online- 2008-07-01 19:46
Add to Readers
      
Shuchi, glad I gave this a look. I like your style and the way it draws a reader deeper into the core of your meaning. Good use of the recurring "old" rhyme.

By the way, in line 3 did you intend the word "seem" rather than "seen"? It would SEEM to make better sense in the context, at least to me.

The final stanza could almost stand alone as its own poem. Very, very gripping images here and throughout.

Great job!

Blessings
Drose Comment by: Drose - 2008-06-26 05:25
Add to Readers
      
its good!, love the symbolism
1

Sponsored Ads


By shuchikalra

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S