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turnthepage
Jeremy Ellett
United States, Texas, Austin

Words: 166
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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We Will Always Be the Coolest Kids

It's hard to believe now, but there was once a time
Before bills or phones or girlfriends
Just an old TV in a wooden frame
covered in orange and green day-glo paint.
Poems written on the bathroom door
Spider webs drawn on blue attic walls
In the living room a stereo struggles
to keep up with our lungs
Someone is loading a bowl
and someone is letting out a deep yawn
There's no heat in the house
So let's just stay up until dawn
and then we can go to your mom's store
I swear I've heard that song before.
You can have the couch when we get back
I'll take the floor

the old college town is full of drunken ghosts
Six years lost and I'm off on another awful drive
As I approached the Interstate,
I put an old burnt cd in
and I listened to those songs again
but they just didn't sound the same

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Comments  
nonalienabductee Comment by: nonalienabductee - 2008-10-15 17:25
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I love the thick mixture of specificity and commonity in this poem--orange and green dayglo paint . . . and then, "someone."

That said, I think you could easily remove the second stanza and continue to have the same message, while avoiding the cliches that populate it.

One question--are the couple of rhymes in this done on purpose? (yawn/dawn, store/before,floor) I'm not particularly fond of incidental rhymes, personally, but that's more of a style choice than anything else.

Anyways, I like the title, and it has a good, almost suffocating atmosphere. My college career wasn't like this, but it still feels familiar. Good job.
LindsMichele Comment by: LindsMichele Online- 2008-09-13 19:27
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I love this poem. It reminds me of my college days and how much I miss them. Good write.
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By turnthepage

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