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LouiseKay
Kirsten Locke
United States, Oregon, Vernonia

Words: 223
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Murder in Flight

Aerissa soared over the wide plains. Wheat, corn and other grains waved in the summer breeze. The avian ignored these. She was searching for something other than food at the moment.

Far to the east, a stand of trees beckoned. She had heard a siren call of the most basic nature and flew towards it without hesitation. Ebon limbs shone in the afternoon sun, glinting blue across the inky color.

Dakrion waited. He sat upon one of the highest branches of the tallest tree, issuing his song. Aerissa called in answer, bursting in anticipation of the coming reunion. This was her mate, her love, her life. No matter how far she traveled, she would always respond to him.

Dakrion leapt from his perch to join his lady in flight. The pair circled and dove, calling each other’s names and announcing their joy at the reunion. Others of their kind erupted from the trees, adding their voices to the chorus. Black shapes swirled and danced in the clear blue sky, sharing the ecstasy of the moment.

As one, the murder dipped and twined in the air, making their way to the grain fields over which Aerissa had just flown. Such boisterous activity demanded sustenance and the wide bounty spread before them beckoned. How generous of the world to provide it just for them.

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Comments  
nonalienabductee Comment by: nonalienabductee Online- 2008-09-01 20:17
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Hmmm . . . Thula's right. Then again, I took over a month to comment, so I probably shouldn't quibble. I do wish you hadn't used a synonym for bird, but that's spirit and not letter of the rules, so . . .

Here are a few comments, made within the text.

Aerissa soared over the plains, wheat, corn and other grains waving in the summer breeze. She ignored them, searching for something other than food at the moment.

Far to the east, a stand of trees stood out. She heard a siren call of the most basic nature and flew towards it without hesitation. Ebon limbs shone in the afternoon sun, blue glinting across the inky color.

Dakrion waited on the highest branch of the tallest tree, issuing his song. Aerissa answered in kind, notes joyous with anticipation of joining him. This was her mate, her love, her life. No matter how far she traveled, she would always respond to him. (a little sappy for my taste, but that's more me than you)

Dakrion dove from his perch to join his mate in flight. They circled each other,announcing their happiness at the reunion. Others of their kind erupted from the trees, adding their voices to the chorus. Black shapes swirled and danced in the clear blue sky, sharing the ecstasy of the moment.

As one, the murder dipped and twined in the air, making their way to the grain fields. Such activity demanded sustenance and the grains could feed their number. How generous of the world to provide it just for them--why else would it exist?

Oh, and you didn't really have a question, per se, at the ending, but no big deal.

Thanks for writing! Sorry again for not commenting before!
Thula7 Comment by: Thula7 Online- 2008-07-02 21:51
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Very nice, but it's not in first person. Was that "chaffing against the rules?"

I love the names of the crows, and the feelings of entitlement as they fly over the fields. Great story.
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By LouiseKay

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