“I’m sorry sir, but the regulations clearly state that any person bearing such a…vast load must be charged.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, sir, you see, weight on an airplane makes a large difference…”

“Yeah, so?”

“The gas, sir. Think of the trouble airlines go through to buy jet fuel.”

“That’s the airline’s problem, not mine. I’m paying for the seat. Who said I was paying for gas?”

“What of the other passengers? Your excess baggage would be considered rude and uncomfortable.”

“I’m flying coach. What could be less comfortable than flying coach? Stale peanuts, no booze, horrible movies, rude people…it‘s expected!”

“Sir?”

“As an airline, you are expected to make flying coach difficult, noisome, and altogether unpleasant. I’m only aiding the process.”

“Sir, I’m sorry, but you simply cannot…”

“Why, in the most advanced and civilized country in the world, can’t a man carry three trench coats and a blender on a plane to save space in his luggage without being fined?”

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