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Excess Baggage-Wee Challenge#39
The phone in the next cubicle chirped.
“Is this my beautiful, wonderful wife?”
Tracie bristled. She would pierce her own eardrums if she had to hear that sickeningly sweet, lovey-dovey horseshit - one - more - time.
The new guy 'looked' nice enough, but looks are deceiving. Probably sweet as sugar to his wife’s face, but screwing around behind her back.
Tracie checked her lipstick, ignoring the frown lines around her mouth. They’re all bastards. Who needs them? She had her job and she was just fine, thank you very much. That’s what she said when friends tried to fix her up with their rejects. No Thanks.
A year since Elliot took off with that bimbo in Accounting, Tracie was on top of the world. Who cares that they got married and that Bimbo was expecting a little bimbo any day. Tracie’s career was in high gear now. She was meeting with the CEO on Thursday.
The chirping phone next door interrupted her reverie.
“Hello, my sweet dumpling.”
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heh, the pig in me says it sounds like Tracie needs a tumble. Can't think of much that needs attention on this gem. It looks like Mitch covered it pretty well.
Well done
Favorite line: "...friends tried to fix her up with their rejects." |
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| Ha! Bitter angry woman who makes me laugh. Good show with description. The chirping phone annoyed someone but I thought the description clever and very appropriate for some phones, especially since this person is annoyed at the sweet voice of her neighbor. I'm a sarcastic and tough woman and cannot stand men OR women with that fake syrupy voice. |
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I think it's so interesting how you arrived at this with the stimulus of "Excess Baggage"--it says a lot about your thought process in preparing stories. You think on a deep level--it's great!
Things putting me off:
--The phone across the cubicle wall chirped. (just confuses me..."the phone in the next cubicle"?)
--but plotting behind her back. (not sure about "plotting")
Love the bitterness of Tracie, we feel sorry for her being all alone. and love the use of "bimbo" and baby bimbo.
OH, "dumpling"...yes that is vomit-worthy...haha
nice one :) |
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Comment by: Juan2 Online- 2008-07-06 21:07
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haha, looks like she's piercing 'em. And jeez, two calls in a matter of minutes -- how does this guy get any work done?
I like Tracie - she may be a bit of a bitter hard-ass, but hey we need some of those to even out these lovey-dovies. So well done there on her development. Hope she lands the job :)
happy writings. |
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| Actually, I think if someone spoke to me like that I would gag -- but having to listen to it when you know it's fake -- Pierce away! Great story! |
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