writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
alcarty
Al Carty
United States, New Mexico, Milan

Words: 176
Access: Public
Comments: 11

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




The Pawnshop (#39)

The pawnshop was closed and the old couple who owned it were long asleep upstairs. Someone stood outside the street door. He reached up and disconnected the alarm, then slipped a thin bar behind the door-bolt and broke the lock. This act closed a circuit that set another system on alert, although the thief did not know of it.

Moving quickly through the shop to the cash register, he punched a button and the drawer slid open, exposing a few bills and coins. As the drawer opened, another switch was thrown. Overhead, in the shadows, a wooden mallet on a cantilever arm came straight down and smashed into the thief’s head. Instantly, a trap-door opened and the body dropped through, falling into an industrial compactor. The machine made whistling sounds as steam-powered pistons hammered and shaped, pounding, unstoppable. In the morning, a square and lumpy plastic bundle would be ready for the trash man.

The old couple upstairs would not know of the disturbance until finding, on awakening, that the shop needed a new lock.

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
alcarty Comment by: alcarty - 2008-07-16 12:25
Add to Readers
      
Karl, I am glad someone paid attention during English class. I was dreaming, doodling, or jotting down nasty notes that I would expand into childish stories in Typing class. Thanks for the tips, and I shall incorporate them.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-07-15 20:19
Add to Readers
      
This was a fun romp. I imagine something like this in Mad Magazine :-)

Small issues:

"...cash register he punched a button..." [comma needed after "register"]

"As the drawer opened another switch was thrown." [comma needed after "opened"]

"Instantly a trap-door opened..." [comma needed after "Instantly"]

"...industrial compacter; the machine made..." ["compactor" is mispelled. The semicolon should probably be a period]

"In the morning a square, and slightly lumpy..." [comma needed after "morning." Consider dropping "and slightly"]

"The old couple upstairs would not know of the disturbance until finding, on awakening, that the shop needed a new lock." [excellent punch line]
alcarty Comment by: alcarty - 2008-07-08 17:48
Add to Readers
      
Lorna, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.
languidluna Comment by: languidluna - 2008-07-08 09:49
Add to Readers
      
last line is perfection.
alcarty Comment by: alcarty - 2008-07-03 15:20
Add to Readers
      
I'm glad you liked it, Phil. These little challenges lead us into the most unlikely stories. I guess that's why they're so much fun to try. Thanks.
1 2 3 Next

Sponsored Ads


By alcarty

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S