 |
 |
 |
| |
Josephine- Alien Poetry Challenge #19
And she sits
ever so pensive
as if the whole of the revolution
is spinning through her mind
and the clashing of swords
and the cries of the battle
you can see beneath her gaze.
Josephine.
The taste of gun-powder
is thick upon her pursed lips
as she radiates from a grassy-knoll
her fine garments are mere peasants
draped over a true queen.
Josephine.
Do you cast your eyes downward
from the brilliance of his light?
Or are you simply caught
between the stature of his vision
and the cries of death
beyond the palace walls.
A link to my art: http://www.juancole.com/napoleon/josephine.jpg
**Ah, another great woman of history, Josephine Bonaparte. If you haven't read the Josephine B trilogy by Sandra Gulland. Amazing.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
Thank you for the comments, as always, but I actually prefer it the way it is, and that has nothing against anyone, but when I read through an edited version, it just doesn't seem right anymore.
Because of the painting and the style of it, I wanted it to be a little classical, and thought out. I just don't think that a more stunted style would work for this piece.
And of course, the last stanza is a very important one, as it switched the focus to about the painting to about her-personally.
Thanks for the comments, read through it again a few more times and I hope you'll see the beauty that I see in the longer sentences above. It's the suit the art, and the time, and the woman, of course. |
 |
Comment by: alien - 2008-07-08 05:21
|
|
I really like this and the picture is beautiful.
I do think, however, that there are a lot of redundant words in the poem that could be removed.
[And] she sits
[ever so] pensive
as if the whole [of the] revolution
[is] spinning (spins) through her mind
[and the] clashing of swords (clash of swords)
[and the] cries of the battle (battle cries)
[you can see] (are there) beneath her gaze.
Josephine.
The taste of gun-powder
[is] thick upon [her] pursed lips
as she radiates from a grassy-knoll
[her] fine garments are mere peasants
draped over a true queen.
Josephine.
Do you cast your eyes downward
from the brilliance of his light?
Or are you simply caught
between the stature of his vision
and the cries of death
beyond the palace walls.
The last stanza is its strongest point. That reads beautifully. It's actually as thought the whole poem is just a warm up to reach that last brilliant bit!
And of course, it would read better with a lot of punctuation revision.
But yes! Great piece. I actually enjoyed it. |
|
|
| Really fine interpretation of the motives that moved the brush on the canvas. Beck brings up a good point, the end is like a little poem within a poem and could stand on its own. Was this painted at the end of the war, before Elba or was it early on? Just curious. Thanks for posting your work. |
 |
Comment by: Beck - 2008-07-06 17:07
|
|
| Lovely poem Lindsay. The final stanza struck me as being absolutely perfect and would read wonderfully on its own as a short poem, though it works equally well as a fitting end to this poem. |
 |
Comment by: junenandy Online- 2008-07-04 10:16
|
|
Truly beautiful. complements the Art.
Thanks for the read.
Regards,
June. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
