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The Last Supper
The twelve with their Lord are seated
oh what the shock has he delivered
for there is one who shall betray
what a thing that the Lord did say
The twelve with their Lord are seated
how soon shall the world be delivered
the one he loved sits at his right
one for he who shall burn so bright
The twelve with their Lord are seated
so near the world to be delivered
and the traitor sits in shadow
he is as yeast within the dough
The twelve with their Lord are seated
so near we are to be delivered
Peter the Lord he would defend
with wrath the Lord would have to mend
The twelve with their Lord are seated
do they know they will be delivered
even when an act is malign
it can with His will align
The twelve with their Lord are seated
the time draws near men are delivered
with him they sit but one last time
before Golgotha that he shall climb
The twelve with their Lord are seated
it is through him was are delivered
the Lord his arms spread to embrace
so that all men can have God's grace
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Comment by: Jorbian - 2008-07-08 14:30
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| I snuck the abridged gospel message in there!! I hope this is a little better... |
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Comment by: alien Online- 2008-07-08 05:41
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I love this painting, as I think every art lover must appreciate an iconic piece of work.
I really think that you could have made language work harder here - the subject of Jesus and the 12 and the last supper has been examined in so much detail and in so many forms, it is really hard to make it sparkle. You set yourself a tough challenge and I really think you need to up the bar in your poem to bring it to life.
Personally, I found this to be a little stuffy, a little archaic and a little unimaginative.
Perhaps give it time to settle and then work on it a little more. Let us know what you come up with and we'll be back totake a look at the sparkly new version! :) |
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This is a fine poem that could be illustrated by DaVinci's painting but is it really delving into Leonardo's thoughts as he brought the colours to life? Perhaps, as Juan says, DaVinci painted each stroke as a prayer and thus, your words are fitting as a tribute to the artist and the subject.
A couple of rhymes feel a little forced, but this works inside the formality of your poem. Thanks for giving us your work. |
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Comment by: Jorbian - 2008-07-05 21:36
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| Thank you for catching the typo... |
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Comment by: Juan2 - 2008-07-05 20:22
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I like the way you've constructed the poem, with the repetition of the 1st line and the slight changes of the 2nd in each stanza -- lends a feeling of reverence. Definitely has a 'prayer' sense to it, especially with the rhymes, but not overwhelmingly so -- more as a tribute I think.
"that all (my) take our God's dear grace" - perhaps 'may'
happy writings. |
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