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Thrashing
THRASHING
ALIVE
HUNGRY with deadly passion
CONQUERING the skies
[With light and thunder]
ENCASING the air
WRATH extended
TOTAL DOMINATION.
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Comment by: Honor - 2008-07-24 11:54
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The best advice I can give was a revelation for me, a gift from an amazing Poetry Professor: Poetry is a mirror of life, when one is attempting to cultivate one's talents, one should start with things that show the reader, rather than tell the reader what is going on. This helps to avoid what that Professor referred to as the "taboo words of poetry" words like love, hate etc.
This piece is powerful and interesting. "Thrashing" is a great word and truly draws the reader in, and creates a clear picture. I also like the "[with light and thunder]" that is a great example of showing the reader, rather than telling. I do feel, though, that you could extend the idea here into a fuller work that would be more substantial and not leave the reader still hungry for the complete picture and idea. |
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