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rupertdepaula
rupert de paula
United Kingdom, London

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 12

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Excess Baggage

Eggs sizzled in a frying pan while fresh ground coffee bubbled in the pot, filling the house with a luxurious, velvet aroma. Cassandra Robbins slid the now cooked eggs, a perfect over easy, onto a serving platter stacked high with bacon, sausages and hash browns.

”Kids, breakfast.”

Footfall thundered down the stairs, her three little girls arriving within seconds. They arranged themselves around the table, each one in the usual place, sipping from their glasses of orange juice as they waited for Dad.

“Mac?”

Dishevelled, still half dressed in pyjamas and novelty Elmo slippers, Mac Robbins stumbled into the kitchen. The meal passed him by in a blur, only snapping to when Cassy kissed him goodbye with a playful threat about doing the washing.

Desolate eyes stared in silence at the deep furrows running across his palms. Fuelled by the lies of a lifetime’s repression, he cracked. Removing the bolt cutters from the storage closet with a slow, deliberate purpose, Mac placed his testicles between their razor sharp jaws, clenched his teeth and cut.

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Comments  
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-07-16 19:24
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I could be wrong, but I think Mac has (had?) issues. A cut there without preparing ahead of time is bound to be painful and an entry ticket to the Darwin Awards.

The shift from happy family to disheveled nut chopper seems a bit abrupt - like they are two different stories.
gilwaters Comment by: gilwaters - 2008-07-15 08:31
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Nice. And I say that as someone who has been in-patient, although I have yet to remove my own genitalia or those of anyone else. Two small points. "The meal passed him by in a blur, only snapping to when..." makes it sound like the meal snapped to, not our ill-fated hero. And the phrase "...with a playful threat about doing the washing" makes it sound like Cassy was threatening to do the washing, rather than threatening Mac if he didn't do the washing.

Although I realize that Flash Fiction is meant to be short, I personally would like to hear more about "the lies of a lifetime’s repression" that led this poor fool to cut off his own balls.
anomalyemily Comment by: anomalyemily - 2008-07-09 18:55
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I'm not even a guy,
and that last sentence hurt.

Bravoo.
WLC Comment by: WLC - 2008-07-09 07:56
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:)
rupertdepaula Comment by: rupertdepaula - 2008-07-09 07:54
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I think a lot of people have kind of misread the narrative I was trying to convay with this story...so I have re-jigged it a little, in a hope to make it clearer.

Thanks for reading.

ps: i wasn't just going for shock value ether!
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