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The Fortress of Solitude
The snow slanted acutely as it fell from the Northeast. Snow dots and dashes slashed across the cone of light from above the back door. By dawn the clay flower pots of summer were scarce craters in elbow deep snow. The storm closed schools and granted Kim and Kent a play day at home.
After the snow-angels had wings and the canted snowman a disappointing celery stalk for a nose, the twin’s energies and imaginations went down the driveway to the road where the plows had morained mounds of gravel studded snow.
“Let’s make a big snow fortress.” Kent coaxed.
“OK.” Kim agreed and began hollowing out the dump truck sized heap with waterproof armfuls of snow, like their dad showed them before he moved away.
The sun had just skidded into clouds, when Kim burst into the kitchen’s chicken soup smell: “Mommy! Mommy! Kent’s bewried in the snow.”
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Cool one (*ahem*), Phil. Poor Kent.
I really liked this visual... "Snow dots and dashes slashed across the cone of light from above the backdoor." ("backdoor: should be "back door" - You've got the word count available, no need to combine them)
"Fortress of Solitude" [I agree with Rupert. Maybe just leave this "Fortress"] |
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| Great visualization, a marvelous little story |
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great scene setting in the first two paragraphs, loved the description of the flower pots.
the 'fortress of solitude' seemed a little overworked language for two kids (who i imagined as being pretty young). |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-07-08 06:54
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| Brrrrrrrr, I'm freeeeeeeezing, Phil! Sad punch in the gut: ‘like their dad showed them before he moved away.' I figure the boy probably was able to dig his way out since boys will be moles, heh heh. Good work! |
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Comment by: - 2008-07-07 20:56
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| great descriptions |
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