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Great twist! I could really picture this working well as a short film. It's such a true observation about prison sentences, that's always made me laugh.
One comment. Does the priest maybe ring false once you've played your trump card, since Deacon is not here to die? Could be better played by the prison governor or a publicity-seeking politician? Just a thought. |
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| Thankyou all for your comments. I got he idea from watching a documentry in which a prisoner's combined jail sentences equalled about 150 years in total. It occured to me that he would never live that long to serve such a sentence...but what if they could do somehow come up with a way that allowed people to live longer and do the time they were allotted. Altering his aging process every twenty or so years so he would become younger and have more time to serve the sentence. |
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Comment by: Nora Online- 2008-07-18 11:34
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Wow, Lez. That was so unexpected and original.
I have a punctuation issue with the last sentence:
“Incredible,” said one of the guards while he unbuckled Deacon(.) “(O)ne minute (he's) sixty, now he’s only twenty five, with plenty of time to complete his one hundred year jail sentence.” |
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Comment by: Empress - 2008-07-18 08:12
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| ok. you had me going there. ya got me. Definitely wasnt looking for that.HGood story. |
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Comment by: chocca2 - 2008-07-17 16:06
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| I love the surprise and twist in this one. I thought it was well written and clever. =) |
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