writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
mynamelez
Leslie Blackwell
New Zealand, Wellington

Words: 153
Access: Public
Comments: 13

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Fair-Wee Story #40

Deacon’s legs trembled as he was strapped into the leather-bound chair. His pupils shifted to the window and focused on the small gathering that sat outside the chamber.

“Have you anything to say?" asked Father Duncan

He stared back at the priest and shrugged his shoulders then returned his attention to the gathering. Their stolid faces regarded him with disdain. They wanted him to feel the pain that they experience every day. To suffer as they had suffered.

Father Duncan laid a sympathetic palm on his shoulder and recited a psalm.

A mask was placed over Deacon's head and the guards left the room.

Lights flashed, electricity sizzled and smoke filled the re-aging chamber then slowly dissipated.

“Incredible,” said one of the guards while he unbuckled Deacon. “One minute he's sixty, now he’s only twenty five, with plenty of time to complete his one hundred year jail sentence.”

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
gilesmon Comment by: gilesmon - 2008-07-21 04:00
Add to Readers
      
Great twist! I could really picture this working well as a short film. It's such a true observation about prison sentences, that's always made me laugh.

One comment. Does the priest maybe ring false once you've played your trump card, since Deacon is not here to die? Could be better played by the prison governor or a publicity-seeking politician? Just a thought.
mynamelez Comment by: mynamelez - 2008-07-18 16:33
Add to Readers
      
Thankyou all for your comments. I got he idea from watching a documentry in which a prisoner's combined jail sentences equalled about 150 years in total. It occured to me that he would never live that long to serve such a sentence...but what if they could do somehow come up with a way that allowed people to live longer and do the time they were allotted. Altering his aging process every twenty or so years so he would become younger and have more time to serve the sentence.
Nora Comment by: Nora Online- 2008-07-18 11:34
Add to Readers
      
Wow, Lez. That was so unexpected and original.

I have a punctuation issue with the last sentence:

“Incredible,” said one of the guards while he unbuckled Deacon(.) “(O)ne minute (he's) sixty, now he’s only twenty five, with plenty of time to complete his one hundred year jail sentence.”
Empress Comment by: Empress - 2008-07-18 08:12
Add to Readers
      
ok. you had me going there. ya got me. Definitely wasnt looking for that.HGood story.
chocca2 Comment by: chocca2 - 2008-07-17 16:06
Add to Readers
      
I love the surprise and twist in this one. I thought it was well written and clever. =)
1 2 3 Next

Sponsored Ads


By mynamelez

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S