writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
phillmag
phillip maguire
Online
United States, pa., middletown

Words: 151
Access: Public
Comments: 21

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Fair

_ _=italics


Ben leaned his head against the white-tiled shower wall. He steadied himself against the wall and tried to take deep breaths, then rested his swollen left foot on the shower’s bottom edge, propped his forehead against the wall’s cool white, and focused his breathing to stem the nausea. The scented soap fell from his hand and clattered to a halt next to the drain.

From beyond the plastic curtain of seashells and sea horses, the radio announced, “…the forecast for today is fair and warm. Temperatures will be in the low seventies…”

Fair? Fair? What’s Fair? Is pancreatic cancer fair? Is chemo-fucking-poison fair?

Ben slumped into the tiled corner, letting the warm water rain on his thinning hair, draining down his face and neck onto his bloated belly and yellow, wasted limbs.

A soft pounding on the bathroom door roused him.

“Dad-dee, Dad-dee I gotta’ go pee.”

Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
Liv Comment by: Liv - 2008-07-21 23:08
Add to Readers
      
Nicely done. It's always a treat to have that few words evoke emotion for your character. I like the child at the end. That's just the way life is
gilesmon Comment by: gilesmon - 2008-07-21 04:53
Add to Readers
      
Devastating. Personally I might save the second and third paragraphs for last, but maybe that's too obvious.
mynamelez Comment by: mynamelez Online- 2008-07-20 21:28
Add to Readers
      
Hard hitting and powerful. No it's not fair that such things happen and it happens to people of all ages and walks of life. I read once that "It rains on the just and the unjust and those who toil the earth and perish."
vlclasby Comment by: vlclasby Online- 2008-07-20 07:39
Add to Readers
      
Wow, Phil - beautifully executed, but hard to read. Left me with a cold knot in my stomach. Very powerful read, and all the more because of the young age of his child. Pancreatic cancer doesn't give chemo much of a chance either. The details had me right there in the room. Great job tackling a tough subject.
chocca2 Comment by: chocca2 - 2008-07-17 14:41
Add to Readers
      
For me, this one packs a punch. Wonderful, pungent and emotional. I enjoyed it! =)
1 2 3 4 5 Next

Sponsored Ads


By phillmag

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S