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Going Solo
When I hear the thud of their bodies falling onto the bed, I slink into the room and position myself so my eyes are just above mattress level. Then - I stare.
Invariably, the action on the bed comes to a grinding halt.
“I can’t,” she says. “Not with him sitting there; watching.”
Mumbling obscenities, he stumbles off the bed and tosses me outside. As soon as the door closes behind him, I slither through the hole I’ve dug beneath the fence.
Sweet freedom is mine!
Unencumbered, I run with wild abandon through the neighborhood. I tear across gardens, plow through flowerbeds, mark virtually everything and belly up to the trash can buffet.
Eventually he comes for me. When we meet, he sweeps me into his arms and chides me for scaring him like that; I lick his face.
I can hardly wait till his next date.
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gosh i felt horrible after writing my last comment (that's what you get when you review while at work)...seems you can remove the "M" from my name and replace it with your letter of choice...
xo |
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| Thanks for your comment, Mitch. I am indeed guilty as charged - I did break the rules. Didn't even realize I had committed this grievous error until Arley pointed it out. I think I need to spend less time with my dogs : ) (they answer back, you know...) |
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well...PJ clearly loved it haha.
I have to say I couldn't take my mind of the fact that it is anthropomorphism (do real people actually use that word?).
And as a result, it didn't really click with me...
You know I love your work, Heidi. I just have to be honest, and that was my reaction. I REALLY liked your other piece. Maybe you can kill someone and I will enjoy it more? haha
But there were things I enjoyed here. Ok so let me give some proper feedback.
---i still get great visuals and a great sense of who this dog is...so happy and cute...he is a golden retriever in my mind. It's the short little moments that really establish him as a character
--Then - I stare.
--Sweet freedom is mine!
--I can hardly wait till his next date.
So, in terms of writing it does work well, I guess I just don't like stories from an animals perspective (although if it is considered a Children's story, it is nice to see a new genre in the Wees)...and usually I would not object to breaking the rules...BUT NOT ON MY WATCH!! hahahhaha
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| You are right there inside the dog and take us with you... I loved it, now I'm thinking goldfish... but perhaps once they've revolved all memory of the event will be gone. Lol |
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| Hilarious story. It made me laugh. Hope you do more with the same character; it's fun seeing things from a non-human perspective. |
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