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Thank All I Heard No Sound
There is no clock ticking
Nothing has to be done right now
Not by any time
There's plenty of time for all and
Life to go around
The rush rush life just
Dragged me down
Life became a ceaseless sound..
I was lost almost one year ago but
Once again I'm found
Saved by the Silence of
No sound
Thank All that common sense came
Back around
Thank All I heard no sound
The inner joy returned, followed by
A reverse frown
'Society' can keep it's sound
Controlling life is for the clown
Thank All that common sense came
Back around
Thank All I heard no sound
July 23, 2008
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| Ceaseless, seemed to stop the flow and I felt it was a little heavy on the rhyming, perhaps some alternative flowing words to express the same in spots? Also, this line could maybe use a comma or something; "The rush rush life just" The rush, rushed life just , or something like that. Overall, I like the idea you are trying to express, you have a good start here. |
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| maybe redemption? This sounds like good conquered all. |
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Comment by: adsaige - 2008-07-23 16:06
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Very interesting write. Perhaps
about depression? Regardless,
some of the captializations were
unneeded and the meaning seemed
obsurced as that cause.
Nice write though. Continued success! |
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