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Deepbluejc
Jennifer M
United States, Texas, Borger

Words: 207
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Quitting (wee #41: Smoke)

Smoke rose from the forgotten cigarette in the ashtray. A pack of newly opened Marlboro Menthols lay next to the ash laden bowl. Cassie stared at her untouched vodka tonic watching tears of condensation puddle on the green coaster.

Running her hands through her sandy blonde hair, she glanced up towards the neon clock above the shelves laden with bottles of assorted drink. She shook her head. Was it only an hour ago that she told Sam? Only an hour ago he replied it was over?

She gently rubbed her abdomen.

Raising her hand she singled to the bartender, "Hey, Jim."

"What do ya need?"

She shoved the ash tray, cigarettes and drink towards him, "Toss this stuff, will ya?"

As Jim walked away, she dialed her office. Sam would be in the sales meeting, but she didn't care.

"Margret, it's Cassie, I need to speak to Sam."

"Cassie, he's in a meeting."

"I know about the meeting, they're my clients. It's important."

"Ok, please hold."

She listened to the clicks of the transfer.

"This is Sam."

"Hi, Sam, it's Cassie. I quit."

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Comments  
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-07-29 16:20
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Wow, talk about a rough landing. I like the strengthening resolve as this read on. Good timing on the walk out too. Serves the SOB right - though she might have IMed the clients with her new "work contact info" first, and let them ask him WTF in the meeting (had someone do that at the company I work at, funny as hell.)

At any rate, well done.
Deepbluejc Comment by: Deepbluejc - 2008-07-29 08:56
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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate each and every one of you taking time out to help me grow as a writer.
nivipooh Comment by: nivipooh - 2008-07-27 00:36
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Lovely write up. I liked the last line. Quit she definitely did and so many things.
WLC Comment by: WLC Online- 2008-07-25 09:20
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Very nice.
Love the duality of the "quitting."
I could feel the mc's strength growing as the story progressed.

Something to consider--to make tighter you could lose (?):

"Was it only an hour ago that she (had) told Sam? Only an hour ago (that)he (had) replied it was over?

"She (rubbed her hands) gently (over her) rubbed her abdomen." (since the next sentence also references the word hand.)

:)
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-07-25 08:26
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Very good, Jennifer! Giving up smokes will cause Cassie to gain a lot more than just maternity weight, I suspect.
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