writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
easywriter58
Janyce Van Es
United States, Texas, Pottsboro

My Bookshop
Words: 200
Access: Public
Comments: 6

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Escape (wee challenge 41)

Smoke rose from under the door, developing the form of a man. In her sleep, Shelly felt the overwhelming presence of the Vampire.

She lay still, hardly breathing. Her mind wandered to the past when she met her handsome first love, under the full moonlight by the banks of the Red River. His aura overtook her, with eyes darker than the deepest ocean.

Without asking her name, she felt drawn to him and allowed him to enfold her into his arms. He filled her heart with security and peace she never encountered with her husband. This feeling returned now, as he stood before her.

“I know you never forgot the night we met. You aren’t happy here in the mortal world. You take pills to forget your sadness and pills to encourage you to perform your duties. I am here to offer you a permanent vacation from your sorrow. Wrap your arms around me and allow me to taste your blood. We will be together forever.”

“Oh yes, my love, take me with you…” Shelly turned her head, allowing him full access to her throat and felt a slap on the head.

“Wake up, bitch; the baby’s crying.”

Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]


My Bookshop

Comments  
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-07-29 16:36
Add to Readers
      
Ouch. Them's killin words, bubba. Talk about a buzz kill. Well done, Janyce.
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-07-28 05:44
Add to Readers
      
A very interesting story. Well done. Would you please comment on my works? I am ready to learn from you. Best wishes.
WLC Comment by: WLC Online- 2008-07-26 12:54
Add to Readers
      
Oh, what an abrupt joy kill ending!--bottles and diapers
Reminded me of a sci-fi romance novel.
Smoke rose from under the door--I can see the spooky, hazy stuff! Great.

I've got a preference for not beginning a para with "as." Your para 2 could read: She lay still, hardly breathing, as her mind wandered...
(feels a little less passive)

Should there be commas: "Oh(,) yes(,) my love, take me with you." (?)
heidiheimler Comment by: heidiheimler - 2008-07-25 18:43
Add to Readers
      
Ouch. Fabulous ending, Janyce. You caught me completely and utterly off guard. Well done!
phillmag Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-07-25 17:16
Add to Readers
      
Very, very nice. I think you need a "her" for new husband and could give yourself an extra adj. or adv. by dropping the(human)form of a man.
1 2 Next

Sponsored Ads


By easywriter58

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S