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Outside in the spring, a parade
Of pearl light and sky and sand
Of warm water and silky leaves
Of velvety petals and corduroy
Of supple leather and hard metal
Of whipping mane and thirst in the
Bombardment of pacific winds
Inside there is passion,
A madigan dance
A flurry of entangled limbs
Cannibals of love feasting
On the meat of bedroom hunts
The writhing of glistened flesh
With teeth-riddled gapes catching
Glints of candlelight in the night
When the sun crawls beneath
A blanket of springtime stars.
S. Virus
05/08
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This is great. I especially like the eating/loving comparisons in the second verse. "Cannibals of love feasting/On the meat of bedroom hunts" is particularly striking.
In the fourth line of the first stanza, I'd consider changing "velvety" to "velvet". It goes so limp with that y appended.
This is really good! You might consider elevating the pace by this:
Outside in the spring
Parade of pearl light
Sky and sand
Warm water
Silky leaves
Velvety petals
Corduroy
Supple leather
Hard metal
Whipping mane
Thirst in the bombardment of pacific winds
