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Bull
And he sat there
Doing nothing in particular:
Speaking words of wisdom,
Designing the world,
Scratching his face,
His shoulder.
And he moved ever so slightly,
Barely blinking,
Yet squinting and concentrating
On every possible detail;
Also taking the time
To readjust his posture.
And he saw me
In nothing,
But it was enough to take
His breath and bloom
A smile
Brighter than sunshine.
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| mmmm awesome... (crappy comment, I know... but there is nothing else that comes to mind but that right now...) |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-07-30 05:55
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:)
lovely. |
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haha Cheryl, you know me well. I was going to change "force" but I am in Hong Kong at the moment and the internet in the hotel was having trouble logging in...and then I kind of liked the line, but i guess I only like that line by itself and (as you said) not how it works inside the stanza.
keen eye you have there.
will fix it up :) |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-07-28 12:47
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Ahh lovely. Agreeing with the comments of the others.
But. Force a smile? The way I read it, it was more appropriate to generate, give birth to, create, surprise him with. Force is something that goes against the will - I understand that might be appropriate but at the same time, there's so much beauty and positivity in that last stanza that I can't bear to have it sullied by one single negative connotation. The narrator of this piece is some kind of beautiful miracle that makes amazing things happen and SEES them happening. It's all got to be as beautiful as that. For me, anyway :)
But great piece. I love it :) |
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Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-07-28 04:25
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| Again I find myself agreeing with Arley-layered, amibiguous, and mysterious and well written. |
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