(The Book Report)

When I was about 12 years old I was asked to write a report on a book, which the class had taken turns to read out loud. Having been indoctrinated with Christian values, I felt assured that my honest opinion would be a prerequisite of this assignment.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you cannot always trust such hackneyed appraisals as “equal to J.R.R.Tolkien at his best”. There has to be someone, somewhere out there that found it "a bloody waste of time” or thought that “watching paint dry would have been better than having to read this dribble”.

Anyway I’m beginning to digress, so there I was, pen in hand, exercise book spread open on the floor and the luckless Coyote pushing a boulder up hill as part of an cunning Roadrunner-trap in the background.

I contemplated the book in question for sometime and came to the inevitable conclusion that it basically sucked. Well I probably would have used another term back then, but at any rate it was definitely not on my “must race out and buy a copy for myself” list.

So what’s an honest boy going to do? Lie about how much he enjoyed a detestable book? Give it a four-star “equal to Dr Suez at his best” mark? Or just copy the synopsis at the back of the book, changing any unfamiliar words ones more in keeping with my age level (which I occasionally did back then)?

Finally I decided to do what I considered the right thing and wrote a brief report expressing my true feelings. Just to be fair I also noted how I had actually enjoyed another book by the same author we had read earlier that year.

The following morning I handed in the assignment with the rest of the class. Later that day it was I returned to me with a “See Me” comment. After the class had cleared out for afternoon playtime I confronted the teacher. The conversation went a little like this. I’ve changed his name to MR. TRUMAN .

ME: Excuse me Mister Truman, you wanted to see me about my book report?

MR TRUMAN: Ah yes, I’m afraid you’ll have to do the report again.

ME: Why, is it not neat enough?

MR TRUMAN: No…well it could be neater…”

ME: Too many spelling mistakes…Punctuation…Grammar?

MR. TRUMAN: It is not a proper report. The book we read out is classic literature. People all over the world have enjoyed it. People who are well read…people who know what they are talking about.

ME: I didn’t like it.

MR TRUMAN: Don’t be facetious.

ME: I’m not sir (having no idea what facetious meant at the time). I was just giving you my honest opinion.

MR TRUMAN: Write the report again and this time do it properly.

ME: You mean I should lie?

MR TRUMAN: No, you should tell the truth about how good the book was.

I tried to appease his wishes but it was hard to be truthful about a fabricated lie so with the approval of my parents handed in the same assignment the following day without altering it.

His reaction was not altogether unexpected nor were the consequences but despite his threats that would ultimately see me before the headmaster's office with stinging palms, I held my ground.

Time past and the matter was eventually forgotten, but the experience left me somewhat sour.

Sometimes life is just isn't fair.

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