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nonalienabductee
Niccole Segura
United States, Pennsylvania/Ohio

Words: 184
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Outside Chance

The heat on his suit didn't work. He thumbed the control fruitlessly, regretting the second-hand purchase. His mother had warned him about buying important for cheap, but--well. He hadn't had the money for anything better. He shook his hands and feet to stimulate his metabolism. Scanning the dome, he bit his cheeks. Still no sign of Bet.

He eyed the dark-line creeping across the moon, only a quarter-click away. Thirty minutes left to get inside to safety before the hemisphere edged into night; he'd never survive the near-kelvin temps.

A slight creak startled him. Whipping his head, he saw a large spiderbot skittering across the rocks. The orange light of its sensors reflected oddly against its steel and clashed with the red landscape. It waved an antenna in his direction, paused, then moved on.

"Slim?". Bet stood between the double doors. She made no move to open them, and his gut tightened. "They said no."

His skin broke into goosebumps. "Didn't want to live in a place called Chance anyway.". Grimacing, he trudged away.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-09-02 13:57
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Ah, I missed this before because the link didn't work for some reason.

Loved the idea, but have to agree with previous reviewers that this one does need to be bigger for it to make complete sense.

Enjoyed it though, and loved the place called 'Chance'.

Cheers

Karen
fuyukodomo Comment by: fuyukodomo - 2008-08-18 12:27
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LOL. If I had a name like "Slim," I wouldn't want to live in a place called "Chance" either!

I think there's more of a story trying to work itself out of there. As short as it is, one wonders where Slim will go next and how he'll survive the near kelvin temps with a broken suit :)
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-08-06 06:28
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What's with you and the word count? At first I thought you'd misspelled suite then realized what you were talking about. Janyce is right, it does seem like the middle of something, but intrigued me nonetheless.
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2008-08-05 16:58
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I figured out that the suit was a spacesuit-but this seems like the middle of something to the point I need to know the beginning before I can comment. If the heater didn't work in the suit, how did he survive?
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By nonalienabductee

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