The place for writers: Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it.
Nature sings her song to me
I hear it all around
I open up my eyes and see
From the heavens to the ground
Everywhere I turn and gaze
I see nature standing still
Even when I have my bad days
Seeing nature to my soul is a thrill
How can we ignore her?
Deny Mother Nature exist
My senses tell me for sure
What humans try to resist
Allow nature to take her place
She stills my heart and soothes my soul
She will put a smile on your face
And comfort you as you grow old
Want to comment on this Poetry? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Thanks for the suggestions Rob. I knew it needed some work and that is why I posted it here. I have made a few corrections and think it is a little better. Let me know what you think.
Beautiful poem that would actually flow harmoniously if broken up a bit. I noticed strayrebel had given quite a thought towards this one. Mother Nature is something, huh?
Let me say that I loved the basic idea in your poem, It’s lovely. I think with a little more work it could be spectacular. As I’m knew to this web sight I honestly don’t know how far to take a critique but I think the whole idea behind it is to improve the writers works therefore I shall be bold and give some suggestions hopefully without belittling or defaming your work.
First I could see that you were rhyming your lines so I suggest you break your poem into stanzas such as you see below.
NATURE’S SONG
Nature sings her song out to me
I hear it all around
I just open up my eyes to see
From the heavens to the ground
Everywhere I turn and gaze
I see nature standing still
Even when I have my bad days
Seeing nature to my soul is a thrill
How can we ignore her?
Deny Mother Nature exist
My senses tell me for sure
What humans try to resist
Let yourself go, allow nature to take her place
She can still my heart and soothe my soul
She will put a smile on your face
And comfort you when you are old
Then I suggest that sometimes more is less which also means that less can be more. So leave out some words in your lines and the tempo might flow better. For example in your first line drop the word “out”, in your third line drop the word “just” and in your fourth line drop the word “the” by dropping those three little words you get more rhythm more flow and an easier tempo.
Nature sings her song out to me
I hear it all around
I just open up my eyes to see
From the heavens to the ground
Nature sings her song to me
I hear it all around
I open up my eyes to see
From heavens to the ground
I hope you’ll try it out for yourself. Again as I said at the beginning I love what you’ve written and think it has great potential, I’d like to see where you can take this poem if you do take these suggestions. However creation is the creators work and you are the author of this poem and as I said at the beginning of my comment I like what it says already.
