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Inbox (1)
If you reach out your arms to blow me a sweet kiss
I will only see your broken movements,
Your frame-per-second body
When you whisper that you love me in my ear
I will only hear the fragments of your voice
As you speak to me softly
This distance will surely lead us to our graves
As we merely keep contact through screens and radio waves
I want to search for your love
I want to download your heart
I need to attach my soul and,
Forward it to a place we're not apart.
I need to send you my all
Need you to open up my life
This proposal might be impersonal but,
Will you please be my wife?
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2008-08-09 08:59
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| I loved the title which was a great start. The rest felt like 2 different poems, with the good imagery in the first one of webcams, (though i was looking for a reference to the inbox which could be included) - and then the second stanza was a list of computer terms which tended towards the cliche, or at least, didnt feel as creative as the first stanza. Sometimes we hit on a good idea such as this 'list' but we have to do it justice - more than merely listing the terms. And the end was cheesy. I think you have a good idea here which hasnt been totally done justice. |
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| I like this :) |
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Comment by: fang13bea Online- 2008-08-08 21:05
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| Oh, that's really good and sweet. This reminds me of my friend and her ex-boyfriend. They were totally right for each-other but the distance was too much. |
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