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phillmag
phillip maguire
Online
United States, pa., middletown

Words: 172
Access: Public
Comments: 11

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A Fine Line

_ _= Italics

Ben followed the fine line of a crack in the institutional green plaster above the gray metal file cabinet. The line meandered down the wall like a rural highway on a map snaking and curving through unseen lands, climbing over ridges, rushing down valleys, past farms and small towns, rivaling beside train tracks, over bridges and through tunnels before intersecting with a series of circular cracks as though beltways surrounding a city. A black triangular hole sat at their center, as if something had been thrown or struck there. Busted lath slats projected from its sides like broken ribs coated in crumbling grey plaster flesh.

Some fragment of Ben’s attention knew she was talking again. She was pleading her case, again. She was telling the therapist what an abusive, alcoholic, asshole he was-again.

Ben stared into the depth of death in the center of that triangular black hole and imagined her face bloodied and bruised, her now quiet mouth contorted in some silent cry.

_Just_wait_, Ben Thought. _Just_wait_.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-09-02 13:33
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Excellent descriptions leading to an ominous last line that was truly chilling, Phil.

Thanks for the read and the imagination over-drive.

Cheers

Karen
BrightLamp Comment by: BrightLamp - 2008-08-15 05:29
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Do you need the dash in "...he was-again." ?
rollingbolus Comment by: rollingbolus - 2008-08-12 02:12
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Loved the description through the beginning of this. I've read it a few times and it really pulls you in. Very well written, nice and dark

well done
wgallant Comment by: wgallant - 2008-08-11 16:19
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Dark, without being creepy. The man (not boy) probably lives in every community.

Well done.
Jarfuls Comment by: Jarfuls - 2008-08-10 20:07
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This one made me sit and wonder what would happen next Phil. Very dark piece, but had me reading it over again. Well done.
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